I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
