I smell stomach acid.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
