My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
