I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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