Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
