If that was your dad, he is hot
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
