I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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