I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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