apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
