I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
