he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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