Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
