we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
