I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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