I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
