i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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