I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
