the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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