where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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