he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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