Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
