you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
