Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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