sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
