the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
