new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
