Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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