He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
jump out the window naked night went bad
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
