my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
