My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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