you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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