Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
