My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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