Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
