how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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