He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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