I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There r osticjed everywhere
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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