There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
