what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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