Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
