I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
