where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
