You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
