I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
