Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
