4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Less talking, more tequila
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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