I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
