I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
