hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
