So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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