i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
