my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
