Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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