Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
