need another drink. this is the easiest way
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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