Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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