you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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